{"product_id":"i-piss-red-i-shit-white-i-bleed-blue-i-cant-afford-healthcare","title":"I Piss Red I Shit White I Bleed Blue (I Can't Afford Healthcare)","description":"\u003ch2 data-start=\"827\" data-end=\"879\"\u003eI Piss Red I Shit White I Bleed Blue – USA Sticker \u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"881\" data-end=\"935\"\u003eJust Another Day in the American Healthcare System™\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"937\" data-end=\"1072\"\u003eIf you’re looking for a sticker that screams \u003cstrong data-start=\"982\" data-end=\"991\"\u003e“USA”\u003c\/strong\u003e with the same energy as a bald eagle flying into a fireworks stand—you found it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1074\" data-end=\"1305\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"1074\" data-end=\"1168\"\u003e“I Piss Red I Shit White I Bleed Blue (I Can’t Afford Healthcare to Get This Checked Out)”\u003c\/strong\u003e is the \u003cstrong data-start=\"1176\" data-end=\"1191\"\u003eUSA sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e for patriots who are down \u003cem data-start=\"1218\" data-end=\"1236\"\u003ecatastrophically\u003c\/em\u003e bad—but still wouldn’t change a thing except maybe their deductible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1307\" data-end=\"1412\"\u003eIt’s a tribute to freedom, failing organs, and the red-blooded delusion that everything’s fine, actually.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1414\" data-end=\"1529\"\u003eThis is not a sticker. It’s a cry for help, printed on vinyl and sold as \u003cstrong data-start=\"1487\" data-end=\"1528\"\u003emerch for medically neglected legends\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1531\" data-end=\"1534\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1536\" data-end=\"1580\"\u003eWhy This USA Sticker Exists (God Help Us)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1582\" data-end=\"1769\"\u003eYou’ve seen “Don’t Tread On Me.”\u003cbr data-start=\"1614\" data-end=\"1617\"\u003eYou’ve seen “God Guns Guts Glory.”\u003cbr data-start=\"1651\" data-end=\"1654\"\u003eBut have you seen \u003cem data-start=\"1672\" data-end=\"1698\"\u003evisceral internal damage\u003c\/em\u003e combined with patriotic fervor so intense it’s literally hemorrhaging?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1771\" data-end=\"1784\"\u003eNow you have.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1786\" data-end=\"1820\"\u003eThis \u003cstrong data-start=\"1791\" data-end=\"1806\"\u003eUSA sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e is built for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1822\" data-end=\"2213\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1822\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1824\" data-end=\"1906\"\u003eTruck drivers who haven’t been to a doctor since Bush was in office (either one)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1907\" data-end=\"1962\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1909\" data-end=\"1962\"\u003ePeople who confuse patriotism with untreated anemia\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1963\" data-end=\"2009\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1965\" data-end=\"2009\"\u003eGuys who eat raw hot dogs and call it keto\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2010\" data-end=\"2066\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2012\" data-end=\"2066\"\u003eSurvivors of 3 broken bones and 0 urgent care visits\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2067\" data-end=\"2130\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2069\" data-end=\"2130\"\u003ePeople who say “I don't trust doctors” while snorting a Zyn\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2131\" data-end=\"2213\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2133\" data-end=\"2213\"\u003eAnyone who proudly displays the American flag \u003cem data-start=\"2179\" data-end=\"2184\"\u003eand\u003c\/em\u003e a GoFundMe link in their bio\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2215\" data-end=\"2218\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2220\" data-end=\"2273\"\u003eFeatures – Designed for Vehicles and Medical Bills\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2275\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2275\" data-end=\"2300\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2300\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2277\" data-end=\"2286\"\u003eSize:\u003c\/strong\u003e 8.5\" x 2.5\"\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2301\" data-end=\"2359\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2303\" data-end=\"2359\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2303\" data-end=\"2316\"\u003eMaterial:\u003c\/strong\u003e Commercially printed, weatherproof vinyl\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2360\" data-end=\"2439\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2362\" data-end=\"2439\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2362\" data-end=\"2373\"\u003eFinish:\u003c\/strong\u003e Semi-gloss, like your forehead after taking expired antibiotics\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2440\" data-end=\"2507\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2442\" data-end=\"2507\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2442\" data-end=\"2462\"\u003eSticker Version:\u003c\/strong\u003e Permanent—like your pre-existing condition\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2508\" data-end=\"2567\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2510\" data-end=\"2567\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2510\" data-end=\"2530\"\u003eMagnet (20 mil):\u003c\/strong\u003e Reusable—like your dad’s pain meds\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2568\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2570\" data-end=\"2641\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"2570\" data-end=\"2598\"\u003eMagnet Upgrade (30 mil):\u003c\/strong\u003e Cold-resistant—unlike your immune system\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2643\" data-end=\"2756\"\u003eEach \u003cstrong data-start=\"2648\" data-end=\"2665\"\u003efunny sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e is printed by a small business that proudly offers no health insurance either. Solidarity.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"2758\" data-end=\"2761\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"2763\" data-end=\"2792\"\u003eWhere to Slap This Sticker\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"2794\" data-end=\"3044\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2794\" data-end=\"2835\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2796\" data-end=\"2835\"\u003eBumper of your uninsured daily driver\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2836\" data-end=\"2874\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2838\" data-end=\"2874\"\u003eBack window of your van\/home combo\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2875\" data-end=\"2915\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2877\" data-end=\"2915\"\u003eFridge covered in expired condiments\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2916\" data-end=\"2959\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2918\" data-end=\"2959\"\u003eLaptop you bought with your last stimmy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2960\" data-end=\"2996\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2962\" data-end=\"2996\"\u003eWheelchair you got on Craigslist\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"2997\" data-end=\"3044\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"2999\" data-end=\"3044\"\u003eEmergency room parking pass (if you're lucky)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3046\" data-end=\"3136\"\u003eThis \u003cstrong data-start=\"3051\" data-end=\"3066\"\u003eUSA sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e belongs anywhere freedom is screaming and your appendix might be too.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3138\" data-end=\"3141\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3143\" data-end=\"3184\"\u003eSticker vs. Magnet – Choose Your Copay\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3186\" data-end=\"3212\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3186\" data-end=\"3210\"\u003eSticker (Permanent):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3213\" data-end=\"3304\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3213\" data-end=\"3255\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3215\" data-end=\"3255\"\u003eFor those who ride or die (mostly die)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3256\" data-end=\"3304\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3258\" data-end=\"3304\"\u003eBonds like your cholesterol to your arteries\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3306\" data-end=\"3328\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3306\" data-end=\"3326\"\u003eMagnet (20 mil):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3329\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3329\" data-end=\"3370\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3331\" data-end=\"3370\"\u003eSwappable for checkups (just kidding)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3371\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3373\" data-end=\"3423\"\u003ePerfect if you're between vehicles and insurance\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3455\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3425\" data-end=\"3453\"\u003eMagnet Upgrade (30 mil):\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"3456\" data-end=\"3541\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3456\" data-end=\"3500\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3458\" data-end=\"3500\"\u003eStronger than your last pulse ox reading\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3501\" data-end=\"3541\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3503\" data-end=\"3541\"\u003eWinter-proof and Medicare-ineligible\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3543\" data-end=\"3659\"\u003eNote: Magnets won’t cling to plastic bumpers—try the trunk, side panels, or anything with metal (unlike your bones).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"3661\" data-end=\"3664\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"3666\" data-end=\"3729\"\u003eApplication Instructions – We Can’t Help You But Here’s This\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3731\" data-end=\"3743\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3731\" data-end=\"3743\"\u003eSticker:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3745\" data-end=\"3973\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3745\" data-end=\"3795\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3748\" data-end=\"3795\"\u003eClean the surface (use whatever’s not Windex)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3796\" data-end=\"3849\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3799\" data-end=\"3849\"\u003ePeel and slap it like a bill you’re gonna ignore\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3850\" data-end=\"3911\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3853\" data-end=\"3911\"\u003eRub it down like you’re trying to diagnose your own rash\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3912\" data-end=\"3973\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3915\" data-end=\"3973\"\u003eLet it bake in the sun while you webMD “internal bleeding”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3975\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003e\u003cstrong data-start=\"3975\" data-end=\"3986\"\u003eMagnet:\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003col data-start=\"3988\" data-end=\"4074\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"3988\" data-end=\"4000\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"3991\" data-end=\"4000\"\u003eSlap it\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"4001\" data-end=\"4028\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4004\" data-end=\"4028\"\u003eLaugh at your own pain\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"4029\" data-end=\"4074\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4032\" data-end=\"4074\"\u003eDrive to nowhere (healthcare not included)\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4076\" data-end=\"4079\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"4081\" data-end=\"4130\"\u003eFAQ – Frequently Asked (And Avoided) Questions\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"4132\" data-end=\"4157\"\u003eIs this waterproof?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4158\" data-end=\"4213\"\u003eYep. It’s more prepared for life than your gallbladder.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"4215\" data-end=\"4248\"\u003eWill this make people honk?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4249\" data-end=\"4306\"\u003eYes, but not in support. Out of fear and secondhand pain.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"4308\" data-end=\"4329\"\u003eIs this a joke?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4330\" data-end=\"4360\"\u003eOnly until your next ER visit.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"4362\" data-end=\"4384\"\u003eCan I gift this?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4385\" data-end=\"4441\"\u003eYes, especially if your buddy thinks WebMD is socialist.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4443\" data-end=\"4446\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"4448\" data-end=\"4476\"\u003eWhy Buy This USA Sticker?\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4478\" data-end=\"4638\"\u003eBecause you’ve already maxed out 3 credit cards on vet bills—for yourself.\u003cbr data-start=\"4552\" data-end=\"4555\"\u003eBecause you think “Obamacare” is a slur.\u003cbr data-start=\"4595\" data-end=\"4598\"\u003eBecause your blood type is \u003cstrong data-start=\"4625\" data-end=\"4637\"\u003e‘Merican\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4640\" data-end=\"4836\"\u003eThis \u003cstrong data-start=\"4645\" data-end=\"4662\"\u003efunny sticker\u003c\/strong\u003e doesn’t just reflect your reality—it \u003cstrong data-start=\"4700\" data-end=\"4714\"\u003escreams it\u003c\/strong\u003e into traffic.\u003cbr data-start=\"4728\" data-end=\"4731\"\u003eIt’s the most patriotic sticker we’ve ever made, and also the most likely to cause concern at red lights.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4838\" data-end=\"4932\"\u003eYou're not broken—you're just living the American dream \u003cstrong data-start=\"4894\" data-end=\"4931\"\u003eon borrowed time and stolen Wi-Fi\u003c\/strong\u003e.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"4934\" data-end=\"4937\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"4939\" data-end=\"4981\"\u003eFinal Words From a Hospital Parking Lot\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"4983\" data-end=\"5092\"\u003e“I Piss Red I Shit White I Bleed Blue” is what happens when patriotism goes unchecked—and so does your liver.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"5094\" data-end=\"5215\"\u003eThis isn’t a political statement. It’s a \u003cem data-start=\"5135\" data-end=\"5147\"\u003ebiological\u003c\/em\u003e one.\u003cbr data-start=\"5152\" data-end=\"5155\"\u003eIt’s what happens when pride, pain, and deductibles collide.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"5217\" data-end=\"5268\"\u003eBuy it.\u003cbr data-start=\"5224\" data-end=\"5227\"\u003eSlap it.\u003cbr data-start=\"5235\" data-end=\"5238\"\u003eThen go lay down for a minute.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"5270\" data-end=\"5294\"\u003eYou’ve earned it, champ.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.frogmustardstickers.com\/collections\/all\" target=\"_self\"\u003eShop All\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca title=\"\" href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/frogmustardstickers\" target=\"_self\"\u003eFollow us on Instagram\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Frog Mustard Stickers","offers":[{"title":"Sticker","offer_id":53071713141025,"sku":"Red White Blue Sticker","price":10.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard Magnet","offer_id":53071713173793,"sku":"Red White Blue Magnet","price":14.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Extra Thick Magnet","offer_id":53071713206561,"sku":"sku-51535804858647","price":16.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0694\/7186\/3073\/files\/i-piss-red-i-shit-white-i-bleed-blue-i-cant-afford-healthcare-4895887.jpg?v=1784868164","url":"https:\/\/shaketeaus.com\/products\/i-piss-red-i-shit-white-i-bleed-blue-i-cant-afford-healthcare","provider":"Shaketea","version":"1.0","type":"link"}