{"product_id":"this-vehicle-is-woke","title":"This Vehicle is WOKE","description":"\u003ch2\u003eATTENTION PATRIOTS AND SNOWFLAKES: THIS WOKE STICKER WILL TRIGGER EVERYONE (INCLUDING YOU)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eListen up, you magnificent specimens of humanity! We've created the most controversially hilarious woke sticker known to mankind. It's time to confuse every single person in the parking lot while you assert dominance with pure, unfiltered satire.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWHAT IN THE TACTICAL TOTE BAG IS THIS?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis isn't your average participation trophy of a bumper sticker. This is 8.5 inches of pure chaos that proudly declares \"THIS VEHICLE IS WOKE\" – woke sticker because nothing says \"I'm secure in my masculinity\" like announcing it to everyone at the stoplight. It's perfect for:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eGun-toting yoga enthusiasts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSteak-eating vegans\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrossFit champions who secretly love bubble baths\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who owns both a power drill AND a meditation app\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eSPECIFICATIONS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR PROTEIN SHAKE QUIVER\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eSize \u0026amp; Strength (Like Your Gym Stats)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStretches a mighty 8.5\" x 2.5\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThicker than your average conspiracy theory\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHarder to ignore than your ex's texts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMaterials Tougher Than Your Last Workout\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePremium UV-resistant vinyl that bench presses sunlight\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWeatherproof like a tactical umbrella\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRaw, unlaminated finish (because real stickers don't need protection)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eMAGNET UPGRADE: FOR THE COMMITMENT-PHOBIC WARRIOR\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eCan't commit? No judgment here, champion. Upgrade to our 30mil thick magnet that's:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStronger than your morning coffee\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMore flexible than your excuses\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eEasier to remove than that \"tactical\" beard\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWOKE STICKER WIN\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eMADE IN THE USA (WITH EXTRA FREEDOM)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eProudly crafted by Frog Mustard Stickers, where we:\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSupport local businesses harder than your lifting belt\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eQuality check each sticker with the precision of a sniper\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShip faster than you can say \"cultural appropriation\"\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eAPPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS (NO PARTICIPATION TROPHY INCLUDED)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eClean surface (like you clean your gun)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePeel backing (like peeling back society's expectations)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eApply firmly (like your grip on reality)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSmooth out bubbles (like smoothing over awkward political conversations at Thanksgiving)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eDURABILITY FEATURES THAT LAST LONGER THAN YOUR RESOLUTIONS\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSurvives rain like a duck in tactical gear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eHandles sun better than a bald eagle with sunglasses\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStays strong through car washes and culture wars\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eSHIPPING DETAILS THAT'LL MAKE YOUR FREEDOM SOAR\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eShips in 1-3 business days from our Washington State compound\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFree shipping across all 50 states (yes, even California)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eInternational shipping available (spreading freedom worldwide)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eWHY THIS WOKE STICKER IS YOUR NEW BATTLE CRY\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePerfect conversation starter at gun ranges AND farmer's markets\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMakes your car 420% more controversial\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIdeal for:\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSocial experiment enthusiasts\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eProfessional pot-stirrers\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ePeople who own both camo AND tie-dye\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who enjoys watching heads explode\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ol\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eTHE FROG MUSTARD STICKERS GUARANTEE\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEach sticker is backed by our \"Trigger Warning\" guarantee. If this doesn't start at least three conversations about society's decline, we'll be more shocked than a vegan at a BBQ competition.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eFINAL THOUGHTS (FROM THE DEPARTMENT OF KEEPING IT REAL)\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou could put any basic sticker on your car. OR you could choose this masterpiece that combines satire, social commentary, and pure chaotic energy into one perfect rectangle of confusion. The choice is yours, but like choosing between protein shakes and kale smoothies – why not have both?\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDon't let your vehicle blend in with the sheeple. Make it a rolling contradiction that'll have everyone questioning everything they thought they knew about you.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e🦅 ORDER NOW before society becomes too polite! 🦅\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eWarning: May cause spontaneous debates in parking lots. Frog Mustard Stickers cannot be held responsible for any ideological crises that may occur as a result of displaying this sticker. Side effects may include: confused neighbors, unexpected high-fives, and the simultaneous approval and disapproval of your entire family.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eFREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (THAT KEEP US UP AT NIGHT)\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eQ: Will this sticker make my truck less manly?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA: Impossible. This sticker actually increases your vehicle's testosterone levels by 69%. Science can't explain it, but our lab coat-wearing team (who also owns multiple firearms) confirms it.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eQ: Can I put this on my Prius?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA: Absolutely. In fact, putting this on a Prius creates a paradox so powerful it might accidentally solve climate change. Or start a civil war in your local Whole Foods parking lot. Results may vary.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eQ: Is this sticker compatible with my \"Don't Tread On Me\" flag?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA: Like mixing protein powder with oat milk, some combinations are surprisingly perfect. This woke sticker plays well with others, creating confusion levels previously thought impossible.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eQ: Will this affect my vehicle's performance?\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA: Studies show this woke sticker adds approximately 15 imaginary horsepower and makes your vehicle 200% more likely to be discussed in therapy sessions.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003ch2\u003eBONUS CONTENT: MORE REASONS TO JOIN THE REVOLUTION\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eThe Perfect Gift For:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYour conservative uncle who needs a sense of humor\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eYour liberal aunt who needs to lighten up\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eThat neighbor who can't take a joke\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAnyone who enjoys watching people do mental gymnastics\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003ch3\u003eScientific Benefits:\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIncreases parking spot availability (people will be too confused to park near you)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eImproves your cardio (from running away from heated discussions)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eStrengthens core muscles (from laughing at reactions)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eBurns calories (from explaining the joke)\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRemember, in a world of sheep and wolves, be whatever this sticker is. Order now and embrace the chaos! Because nothing says \"I'm above the culture war\" like jumping right into it with both boots on and a smile on your face.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cem\u003eAdditional Warning: Side effects may include becoming the main character at every gas station, getting thumbs up AND middle fingers simultaneously, and achieving enlightenment through confusion.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.frogmustardstickers.com\/collections\/all\" title=\"\" target=\"_self\"\u003eShop All\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003e\u003ca href=\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/frogmustardstickers\" title=\"\" target=\"_self\"\u003eFollow us on Instagram\u003c\/a\u003e\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Frog Mustard Stickers","offers":[{"title":"Sticker","offer_id":53071718482209,"sku":"26580305929208220561_BumperE0669","price":10.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Standard Magnet","offer_id":53071718514977,"sku":"26580305929208220561_BumperC8DC6","price":14.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Extra Thick Magnet","offer_id":53071718547745,"sku":"sku-51535806071063","price":16.5,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0694\/7186\/3073\/files\/this-vehicle-is-woke-1108879.jpg?v=1784868179","url":"https:\/\/shaketeaus.com\/products\/this-vehicle-is-woke","provider":"Shaketea","version":"1.0","type":"link"}